someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize