We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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