We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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