I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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