he wants to bone in the snuggie
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
