Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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