she woke up with a sticky ear
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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