I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
