Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
