my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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