he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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