i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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