apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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