My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
