my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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