That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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