"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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