Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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