I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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