just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
