I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
