Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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