her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
