You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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