I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
