ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
