apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
