You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
