so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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