yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
