You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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