I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
