So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
