whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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