I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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