1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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