Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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