i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I will be naked everywhere
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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