You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
