I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
