I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
