This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
