even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This baby is an asshole
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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