If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
