Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
