That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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