please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
