if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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