6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
