Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
