my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
