Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize