Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
