I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize