i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
