Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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