I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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