I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
