...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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