I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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