I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
