I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
