My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
