Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
ok first of all what the fuck
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
