My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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