Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
