There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
