STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
