I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
