If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
