she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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