I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
