i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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