I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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