When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
