i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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