absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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