you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
