I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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