i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just gift wrapped bread.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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