take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
