After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
